Are you anxious about death? If so, which aspects produce the most anxiety? Can you think of ways to reduce this anxiety?

Discussion Week 13 – Dying and Bereavement Respond to the following questions & reply to 2 peers: Are you anxious about death? If so, which aspects produce the most anxiety? Can you think of ways to reduce this anxiety?

PEER 1: I have experienced the death of loved ones at various times in my life and each time has held different levels of intensity of feelings for me and has given me much insight to my own feelings about dying one day. My first experience was the death of my aged grandfather and I was newly married, in my mid 20’s. I was moderately sad and grieved to have lost a close relative, but it seemed to follow the natural pathway of life- my grandfather was in his 80’s and had suffered many months with cancer. Death meant peace for him. I grieved for him but I moved on seamlessly with my life. My next encounter with death was an unexpected miscarriage loss of my first child. That was hard-hitting for me. I felt damaged and unworthy and very sad. I didn’t know if I wanted to risk trying to conceive more children if the same thing could happen again, but I did, and I successfully birthed 6 more perfect and beautiful children. My next encounter with death was earth-shattering. I was 33 and 7 months pregnant with child #5 and my husband was instantly killed in a car wreck and dramatically ripped away from our lives. I had four other children under the age of 8 years old to nurture and didn’t know how I was going to survive with such a heavy burden to bear alone.

I didn’t have a lot of time to grieve in solace because I had to support and care for my children 24/7 who didn’t understand where/why their dad was not coming back home. I did have amazing community and family support but I was still faced with the harsh reality of my situation and it wasn’t easy. I know I went through the Dual Process model of coping with bereavement while trying to adapt to my new life situation. I know I cycled back and forth between dealing with grief and trying to move forward with life for myself and my children. There were many low days of anger, bitterness and denial but other days were about tempering emotions, assimilating to new changes, and integrating new experiences. It was to everyone’s benefit to purposefully plan ahead for happy, anticipated events so as not to dwell on our sad life reality. Becoming a widow at 33 was not what I had expected, but time heals our wounded hearts. The last and most recent encounter with death I’ve experienced is the loss of my own mother, she was 74 and I was just past 50 years old. Her dying process was long and drawn out as she had cancer that lasted just over 2 years from her initial diagnosis. In this instance, I had time on my side to deepen my relationship with her and relay my good-byes personally as we spent each of her last days/minutes in fellowship. One is never ready to lose a beloved parent at any age, but a mother is near and dear to your heart so it hurts on a much deeper level of agape love. PEER 2: Personally, I am not anxious of death itself, as long as it is as a reasonable age and I died peacefully. However, I do fear dying before my time in a harsh way like drowning, car crash, etc. I’d be sad to have to leave my friends and family’s lives unexpectedly. Additionally, I fear to die and not doing or getting everything I want out of life. I’d hate to die with regrets of what I could’ve done. Ways to reduce this anxiety is to simply not overthink death and how it’ll happen. Moreover, it is important to prioritize your health and happiness to get the most out of life.

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