Seven Habits of Effective Families by Stephen Covey

Name:

Course:

Lecturer:

Date:

Seven Habits of Effective Families by Stephen Covey

The book “Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families” was written by Stephen Covey in 1998. In this book, Covey identifies seven habits, which are common in successful families. He begins by noting that having a good family does not always mean that a person is on the right track. Effectiveness to him means a beautiful family culture. He identifies seven habits, which include being proactive, beginning with the end in mind, putting first things first, thinking win-win, seeking first to understand…then to be understood, synergizing and sharpening the saw. Most of the content in the book is based on these seven habits.

Many people are affected by their emotions and the circumstances that surround them. Covey suggests that people ought to act based on their values and principles. For them to do this they must have self-awareness, imagination and independent will. He identifies the circle of concern and the circle of influence. The circle of concern is the things that people can be concerned about and the circle of influence is the things that people are able to influence. He also identifies the emotional bank account where people make their deposits and withdrawals. Deposits enhance people’s relationships and they include kindness, forgiveness, making and keeping promises, apologizing and being loyal even if the person may not be there at that time.

Mission statements are common in organizations and not many people think of making them in their families. However, Covey points out that it is important to have a family mission statement. The statement will direct the family by pointing out what needs to be done. When creating a mission statement, all the members should be considered and they should be able to state their opinions and their feelings. The mission statement should be written down and it will be helpful to the family since it will help the members to keep on track. He advises families that when creating the statement, the process should not be announced, rushed or ignored. There have been many changes in the family unit and things are not as they were fifty years ago. The society is no longer as concerned about the family as they were and parents spend less time with their children. Families should choose to be committed to the goals and values that they have already established.

Most decisions made in the family seem to benefit one side and the family ends up making win-lose decisions. This can be devastating to everyone involved because if the parents always make decisions where they favor their children, the children will never learn the value of being independent and the choices they make can be destructing. On the other hand, parents do not have to be against the children all the time. Both parties should make decisions that will benefit everyone. Decision-making will sometimes involve making sacrifices for the benefit of the others. People do not perceive situations in the same manner and this often leads to misunderstanding. Before influencing anyone, one has to understand him or her first. This will restrain the person from judging the other person harshly, rejecting his or her ideas and manipulating him or her. On the other hand, understanding the other person and his or her point of view leads to acceptance and participation.

In many families, the parents are the decision makers and this can sometimes affect the children in a negative way since their views are not considered. They need to change the way decisions are made and they should start including the children in decision-making. Parents should respect the suggestions that their children put forward. Even within a family, people have many differences and these differences should be seen as strengths and not differences. Having family time during dinner, occasions, going together on holidays and learning together are some of the activities that can unite the family. Covey identifies four levels of family functions, which include survival, stability, successful and significant.

This book meant a lot to me because I am a person who cares much about her family. It was relevant and useful because it raised several issues, which I identified with. There are many lessons that I can pass to my family after this reading. Many times, I am so overwhelmed with work that I forget about my family. The most important lesson I gained from this book was the topic about the emotional bank account. Deposits such as kindness are always better and I know from experience that they soon grow some interest. Every time that someone does something wrong to me, I choose to forgive them, whether or not they have apologized. This is because I have realized that bitterness and unforgiveness are burdens. Burdens are heavy and they usually affect the one carrying them. I might be feeling resentful towards someone yet the other person is not aware and probably does not care about my emotions. Forgiveness is like lifting a weight off my shoulder and apart from it being a deposit in the emotional bank account, it is also a gift to oneself and everyone should have it.

Another gift I really appreciated was kindness. Sometimes it is hard to be kind especially if the person that I am supposed to show kindness to does not reciprocate or appreciate the kindness that I show him or her. Being kind and expecting nothing in return is one of the hardest things to do. However, I have decided to start depositing it in my emotional bank account. Apart from the emotional bank account, one of the habits that made an impact was seeking to understand then to be understood. I find that in an argument, I prefer airing my views first and I do not usually listen to the other person. This has cost me a few friendships in the past. Reading this book revealed many things to me. It is not just about families but it also assisted me in my relationships. I will start using the lessons that I have learnt to enhance the relationship I have with my family and friends.

Works Cited

Covey, Stephen. Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families. County Down, UK: Golden Books, 1998. Print