Student2:
1) Does the essay attempt to cover a definable, analyzable item? Item description and use? Analytical depth? Connection between description, analysis, and a sense of its possible implications, meanings, and use for a particular culture/cultural group?
Definitely a good, analyzable theme, description, and depth. Did a good job stating things then describing them, and gave some good examples of how our culture is changing.
2) How effective is the essay’s flow? Are there issues with organization, transitions, and clarity? Give the author
examples as you can.
Organized well. Maybe don’t use “In conclusion.”
3) How effective are the materials of the essay? Does the essay contain enough examples/illustrating material? Is there too much/do some areas need to be trimmed? Does the essay contain analytical depth?
4) How effective is the essay’s focus—does the essay stay on track and/or are there any areas that seem to be unrelated or less related than necessary?
All of it was on track and made a lot of sense. A lot of citations, maybe too much?
5) How effectively is outside research used in the essay? Is there too little or too much? Comment on its combination with the author’s own work. If there is none, what sorts of research questions might the author ask?
There is a little too much. I felt like over half of your paragraphs were just descriptions pulled from other websites. If you added a little more about your feelings towards the subject, it would make your paper a little more personal and interesting.
6) If present, how effective are the essay’s introduction and conclusion? Does either feel too generic or unconnected to the essay? How so? Do they seem integral to the essay itself? How sow?
Introduction was good, maybe add something that really pulls the reader in though. I really liked the conclused, just not actually stating “in conclusion” and “this paper.”
7) How effective is the essay’s tone? Does the essay reflect consideration of being written for a general academic audience? If not, why not? If so, how so?
I liked the tone. Everything fit together well.
8) Is the item well-analyzed/analyzable? Does it need more focus or specificity? Is the cultural meaning connection clear enough?
Yes. Extremely clear cultural connection, and very specific examples.
9) Add your overall reactions here. And as always: Make some commentary on what you see as working well here. Give a sense of where a revision might go/what might be done next.
10)Describing how Facebook is changing our culture, and giving specific details on why made this paper really good. Nice tone, and just writing overall. I didn’t like some of the transitions, but that can be easily changed. Maybe take out some of the research, and add more about how you feel about the subject to keep the reader
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