Explain how effectively is outside research used in the essay and what sorts of research questions might the author ask?.

In the first paragraph you have “the focus of this essay is how…”. I think you could just delete those words, and your statement would be stronger.

1)Does the essay attempt to cover a definable, analyzable item? Item description and use? Analytical depth? Connection between description, analysis, and a sense of its possible implications, meanings, and use for a particular culture/cultural group?

Yes.

2) How effective is the essay’s flow? Are there issues with organization, transitions, and clarity? Give the author examples as you can.

I think the flow is off, it definetly sounds like there were two different voices writing the essay, and the flow between paragraphs wasn’t there. Write conclusions that also talk about the next paragraph.

3) How effective are the materials of the essay? Does the essay contain enough examples/illustrating material? Is there too much/do some areas need to be trimmed? Does the essay contain analytical depth?.

4) How effective is the essay’s focus—does the essay stay on track and/or are there any areas that seem to be unrelated or less related than necessary?

5) How effectively is outside research used in the essay? Is there too little or too much? Comment on its combination with the author’s own work. If there is none, what sorts of research questions might the author ask?.

6) If present, how effective are the essay’s introduction and conclusion? Does either feel too generic or unconnected to the essay? How so? Do they seem integral to the essay itself? How so?

7) How effective is the essay’s tone? Does the essay reflect consideration of being written for a general academic audience? If not, why not? If so, how so?

It actually might be too above a general audience. All of the research makes it hard to read and follow.

8) Is the item well-analyzed/analyzable? Does it need more focus or specificity? Is the cultural meaning connection clear enough?.

9) Add your overall reactions here. And as always: Make some commentary on what you see as working well here. Give a sense of where a revision might go/what might be done next.