Healthy Grief

Grieving is a normal and universal process that is experienced by every individual who is about to die or facing other catastrophes such as the loss of employment, divorce or the death of another individual (Block, 2006). Elisabeth Kubler-Ross proposed five stages that individuals go through when grieving. Individuals may go through them in a different order while others may not experience all of them. Denial is the first stage in which individuals are reluctant to accept that the situation is happening. During this stage, individuals believe that the occurrence is unreal and that everything will be back to normal soon. Individuals then accept the reality and proceed to the stage of anger. During this stage, people feel that the loss, or imminent loss as the case might be, is not a fair or justified occurrence (Kubler-Ross & Kessler, 2005). In the next stage, individuals enter the bargaining stage where they ask a higher power, such as God, to reverse the situation in exchange for a change in behavior or other aspects of their lives. Individuals get into the depression stage when they realize that the situation is irreversible, through bargaining or anger. During this stage, they cry, withdraw from others, change their eating and sleeping patterns, and blame themselves for the loss. The final stage is acceptance. In this stage, individuals completely accept the occurrence and the irreversibility of the loss. At this point, they decide to prepare for the loss, since it is inevitable.

The story of Job, found in the Bible, involves a wealthy and successful man who lost all his property and children before falling ill. Job had been serving God faithfully and living in accordance with his commands. The grieving process that Job went through has some similarities with Kubler-Ross’ grieving stages. Job first underwent the acceptance stage. When he received news, about the calamities that had befallen him, he accepted his fate and said that all his property had come from God and now He had taken it back (Chase, 2013). Therefore, Job did not undergo denial. Job also underwent the stage of anger. He tore his clothes and started asking God why the calamity had befallen him- yet he was a righteous man. Moreover, Job went through the stage of bargaining. He wished that God would end his life so that his misery would end. Job also experienced the depression stage. This stage was evident throughout his grieving process. He was withdrawn for one week and refused to speak to anyone. His depression was also evident when he finally spoke as he questioned God about the reason for bringing him into the world. He wished that he had died before anyone got to know him and cursed his day of conception and birth (Chase, 2013).

One of the similarities between Job’s grieving process and Kubler-Ross’ model is that Job went through most of the grieving stages including anger, acceptance, depression, and bargaining. However, he did not go through the stage of denial. Another difference is that Job’s stages did not follow the same order as Kubler-Ross’. Job experienced acceptance early in the grieving process while depression was evident throughout the process.

Different religions have diverse approaches to grieving. According to Buddhism, death is not viewed as the end of life. Buddhists believe in the impermanence of everything including life and they view death as a natural occurrence. They believe that people are reborn after death (Keown, 2005). Therefore, they are not afraid of death as it leads to rebirth. Buddhists anticipate death and prepare for it since they have observed the impermanence of things around them such as the loss of their youth. Buddhists go through grief after the death of someone close to them and they feel desperate and lonely. However, this reminds them that nothing is permanent and they are able to cope with the loss. When Buddhists realize that they are about to die, they do not go into denial. They accept the situation and prepare for it. They remain calm, happy, and completely accept their fate. They behave in a positive and responsible manner before they die so that they can be reborn in a good state in the next life (Keown, 2005).

Joy and grief are normal emotions that every individual goes through in life. Most individuals lose joy when they experience grief. However, being able to have joy in times of grief can help people to cope with the grieving process. People can derive joy from thinking about experiences with the loved ones and future greater things that are ahead of them. From the Kubler-Ross model, people can experience joy when they finally accept their situation and live through the remaining days meaningfully and joyfully (Breitbart & Heller, 2003). Job glorified God when he lost everything and he said that everything had come from God. He portrayed joy even in the face of adversity and this helped him not to lose his faith until his situation improved (Chase, 2013). Buddhists experience joy when they finally accept their fate and focus on being happy and in a good state of mind. They derive their joy from thinking about a better future when they will be reborn in a better state (Keown, 2005).

My view of handling grief was that an individual should try to forget the loss as quickly as possible and move on with life. I believed that there is no need to grieve and cry as engrossing oneself in other things can help in the healing process. However, this research has changed my view of grief since I have realized the importance of taking time to grieve, cry, and accept the situation. I have realized that failure to let out emotions after a loss does not lead to healing. Instead, an individual will have to grieve and cry later in order to completely move on.

References

Block, S. D. (2006). Psychological issues in end-of-life care. Journal of Palliative Medicine, 9(3), 751-772.

Breitbart, W., & Heller, K. S. (2003). Reframing hope: Meaning-centered care for patients near the end of life. Journal of Palliative Medicine, 6(6), 979-988.

Chase, S. (2013). Job. Louisville, Kentucky: Westminster John Knox Press.

Keown, D. (2005). End of life: the Buddhist view. The Lancet, 366(9489), 952-955.

Kubler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. (2005). On grief and grieving: Finding the meaning of grief through the five stages of loss. New York: Simon and Schuster.