Revision plan

Revision plan:

Paper one:

1. It is in my best interest in my revision that I make the following additional changes in my thesis statement:

My thesis statement did not actually capture what the article intended to portray in general, so I would reconsider and rewrite it. I really need to make the topic an issue to be observed rather than be argued. I would rather settle with one issue of explanation rather than repeat myself, hence brook talks about how people try within their capacity and make an effort to live in suburbs although most of them are from different diversities.

2. I would make the following modifications to the substance of my paper:

The fact that there was less support for the thesis statement, I would add how diverse the people in the suburbs are, what factors drives them to be such diverse people and of the same status. I would also make sure that I specifically determine what other kinds of people are discussed in order to stay in line with the topic.

3. I would reorganize my assignment in the following ways:

In the original paper, I basically explained the sources main supporting points but I heavily messed on missing the author’s main point. In my revision thus I would make sure that there is a brief introduction of the author’s main point and then analyze it fully. For instance, the statement living with people of the same culture. I would change it to living with people with different diversities.

4. I made the following changes in expression:

I really need to give more illustrations of how the dilemma has been solved over the last few years. I also admit I need a more focused research on the topic concerning the problem.

5. I made these types of mechanical or technical changes:

I will focus on including the important sub-claims so that the specific readers can fully understand the author’s points clearly.

6. I would make the following changes to the overall appearance of the final product.

I would ensure that some of the unnecessary details may be left out of the summary.

Paper two:

1. I would make no additional modifications to my original thesis as it deduces the main point thus strengthening the thesis completely.
2. I would make the following modifications to the substance of my paper:

The fact that the cloak provided targets the military and the public. I have said that it offers more functions since it is the better design. I would thus revise the substance and make sure that I provide the specific functions that the cloak provides in order to basically win the intended clients.

3. I would reorganize my assignment in the following ways:

In my original paper I gave out the advantage of using the specified color of the cloak. I would also add some substance on this by giving more advantages of the same in order to expound on the main topic of the author and what he intends to portray.

4. I made the following changes in expression:

In my original text I have stated that the poster is specifically designed for three types of media including the magazines. I would revise this by specifically giving examples of the kind of magazines to be targeted. I have also shown that there are cultural values that strengthen the advertisement. I would revise this by showing what kind of values they are in order to give a clear understanding of the main theme of the author.

5. I made these types of mechanical or technical changes:

I would make sure that in my revision I include the specific kind of medium that I will use in order to strengthen the memo.

6. I would make the following changes to the overall appearance of the final product.

I would add another photo on page 4 and refer it directly to the text. The image of the poster chosen should represent the cultural value indicated within the text.

Presentation:

1. I would make no additional modifications to the main presentation:

The claims were well arranged and supported by extremely thought evidences.

2. I would make the following modifications to the substance of my paper:

I would prefer not to make any changes since the presentation was well delivered and sort out.

3. I would reorganize my presentation in the following ways:

I would ensure that my presentation includes strong interactive activities, more information based in order to hold the attention of the audience.

4. I made the following changes in expression:

It is advisable that I make sure that some of my speakers strengthen their eye contact with the audience so as to provide a smooth presentation.

5. I made these types of mechanical or technical changes:

There is no need of mechanical changes as the PPT slides were clearly and well organized. Hence the images deeply explained my points well enough.

6. I would make the following changes to the overall appearance of the final product:

I would ensure that the presentation is more balanced between speakers.

Works cited:

Lucy, Calkins. The Craft of Revision. Heinemann: Miffin Harcourt. 2013. Print

 

 

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