Flirting

Flirting

Introduction

Flirting is a way of making playful romantic gestures or sexual advances from one person to another to show an interest in them, or attract them. It involves verbal communication as well as body language such as girls flicking their hair, eye contact, smiling and toughing, while verbal flirting could include tone and intonations, questions and teasing, which all aim to increase attention and show intentions of a person.

Why we flirt

According to Luscombe (2008), one reason people flirt is that they cannot help it. She says that, “We’re programmed to do it, whether by biology or culture” (Luscombe, 2008). She says that the reason people flirt is to suggest to their target that they are ready for an encounter with them. Many scientists say that animals such as birds do it to indicate their interests in a particular member of the opposite sex. They say that people flirt to show that they are there and available to relate to others. Scientists say that it is a way of advertising our readiness for a relationship, which finally comes to sex, and mating for animals. For people, it has many meanings and purposes, which depends on which individual, each one aims to satisfy. People flirt for many reasons such as, showing the person your target that you are interested in them, measuring the amount of interest a person has for you, making a partner feel jealous, especially women to boost their self-esteem when they learn that other people recognize them and making a relationship more interesting. In dating, flirting is usually the first step that indicates one’s interest to their target by use of gestures that are attractive. People flirt for different purposes depending on their intended goal, whether to start a relationship or have an encounter with a person or for fun and amusement (Discovery Communication, 2010).

Purpose

One purpose of flirting is to make someone know that you are interested in him or her, and he or she can end it through not responding, then you know they are not interested in you and you lose nothing since others may not find out. It can be done anywhere, for instance including in the internet social sites and in meetings or any place. According to Matt (2010), “An example of flirting in the real world, for instance, might be repeated constant eye contact.” On the web, it might be constantly clicking ‘like’ on Facebook, or consistently responding in a positive light to posts to someone on a forum.

Another purpose of flirting is to introduce oneself to others in a way that suggests their intention. Matt (2010), says that one can introduce him or herself with a flirty line that if reciprocated, would make the two start talking to each other. Hence, an introduction took place. He says that in the real world it could be a flattering sentence, while in the internet it could be a message with such a sentence that could serve the same purpose.

Another purpose of flirting is to try to find out something about someone, in a way that is not direct but interesting. For instance, when you want to find out about the status of a person or if they have commitments, you cold use an indirect line such as, “So your partner is preparing the bed for you tonight and you cannot have a drink?” This would help one know if they have a commitment to another person and if they are available for the evening. When such a statement is accompanied by a smile, it carries more weight and it is more flattering. Matt (2010), says, “Better not to ask direct questions, as this steps outside the realm of flirting and can be seen as prying.”

Seduction is another purpose of flirting for some people. Many people find flirting as the best way to seduce a person, and often some over do it without noticing. The art of seduction can begin through flirting where one person uses flirting gestures and lines to imply that they want to have a relationship with the targeted person. A fifth purpose to flirt is to enlighten a person’s feelings and make them feel better. Flirting includes giving complements for nothing to another person and this could make them feel good and appreciated. Flirting is fun for many people and it comes naturally. Other than being used romantically, which is the most popular reason for flirting; it can be used in other areas such as marketing to retain customers. Many men love it when a beautiful girl flirts with them when they are shopping for something. For instance a sales woman when selling men’s wear saying, “That shirt fits to attract all the beautiful girls.” The customer will consider another visit to the store another time.

Origin and history

The origin of flirting cannot be attributed to one moment since it has been there for so long, dating back to the days of Old Testament where Samson was seduced by Delilah. When a person wants to attract the other after they feel attracted to them, this is simply what is referred to as flirting. This was also shown in the bible when Potiphar’s wife tried to seduce Joseph. Flirting is how two people can build a love net together (Küstenmacher, W. and Küstenmacher, M., 2008). They say that, “the origin of this word is the Latin flora for flower. In French, the word fleuretil is derived from the Latin meaning to surround someone with flowers” (Küstenmacher, W. and Küstenmacher, M., 2008). According to the French, the word meant trying to seduce someone by dropping flower petals around them, meaning to speak sweet nonsense of thing that is not real but sweet.

Cultures

Flirting varies among many cultures in the different regions across the world. Taking an example of some Asian culture, a man is allowed to look at a woman while a woman is not allowed to return the glance. In western countries, eye contact is considered to say more rather than talking, and it is a very common way of flirting. In the Chinese culture, women are not supposed to initiate eye contact or flirting as it could imply rudeness, while in countries such as the United States, a girl can initiate flittering and even intimacy. Some cultures will prefer a closer distance when flirting while others prefer to keep distance, and in other cultures, toughing may not be allowed while in others it is allowed. Flirting varies with different cultures in different places.

Types of flirting

One type of flirting is the traditional flirting where the women believe it is up to the man to approach a woman and the vice-verse may not be welcome, since some people believe that women who approach men have bad intentions. This is where a man makes the move and the woman is supposed to follow the indications of the man. It takes time since the man may not be sure whether the woman is interested in him, as she is not supposed to show it openly. This type of flirting takes time and may require patience from the parties involved (Jayson, 2010).

Flirting politely is the other type of flirting where the man is comfortable in quiet places and wants to date in a different way, which could be away from others. “For this type of guy, he most probably hates everything that has to do with dating. For example, if he is in a bar, he will be the one sitting at one corner all alone” (Dixon, 2004). In this type of flirting, people prefer quiet places and rather than going to clubs, they prefer taking a walk in parks.

The other type of flirting is the playful one, where people in this kind of flirts are not serious. Most probably, they have dated many partners and could only be interested in just enjoying themselves through flirting. Such people are good in flirting and they leave others with high hopes of ever meeting them again, which is less likely to happen since they were not attracted to the person. Flirting makes them feel very special and liked since many respond to their flirtations (Noble, 2011).

The last type of flirt is the physical one where each person is trying to seduce another using his or her body. This type of flirtation is most effective for people who are comfortable with their body and do not mind displaying it in a seductive way since they know it is a strong point. In this type of flirt, advances are fast and it is most likely the relationship will move very fast but will not last for long, or could be a one-night stand.

References

Dixon, E. (2004). My Flirtations. Philadelphia, PA: Kessinger Publishing.

Discovery Communication. (2010). Why do people flirt? Retrieved from http://curiosity.discovery.com/question/why-do-people-flirt

Jayson, S. (2010). Research finds 5 types of flirts; which are you? Retrieved from http://www.usatoday.com/yourlife/sex-relationships/dating/2010-11-09-flirting-romance_N.htm

Kaye, R. (2002). The flirt’s tragedy: desire without end in Victorian and Edwardian fiction.Charlottesville, VA: University of Virginia Press

Küstenmacher, W. & Küstenmacher, M. (2008). How to Simplify Your Love: A Guide to a Happier, More Fulfilling Relationship. New York, NY: McGraw Hill Professional.

Luscombe, B. (2008). The Science of Romance: Why We Flirt. Retrieved from http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1704684,00.html

Matt. (2010). The Multiple Purposes of Flirting. Retrieved from http://www.welovedates.com/blog/2010/03/the-multiple-purposes-of-flirting…/

Noble, M. (2011). 5 Types of Flirting Men Love. Retrieved from http://www.yourtango.com/201079877/5-types-flirting-men-love